Surviving the Holidays: 8 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Family Members

The end of 2024 is near and the holiday season is officially upon us! If you're anything like me, you might be feeling excited about all of your upcoming holiday plans, but also a little nervous about how you're going to do it all and manage to show up well for your loved ones.

The holidays can be a great time of joy and also a time of intense stress. Here are 8 tips to consider when it comes to going home for the holidays and interacting with family to help survive the holidays!

1) Explore your Expectations: Going into the holiday season, what are your expectations? Exploring your expectations and assumptions prior to going home can help you manage your own emotions before you ever step foot through your family's front door. Are you hoping that this is the year that a certain family member finally stops nagging you about dating? Are you hoping this year there won't be any arguments at the dinner table? How can you hope for the best while also setting reasonable expectations for yourself and for others?

2) Identify your Boundaries: Spending time with difficult family members over the holidays can be particularly challenging. Maybe this is because you only see this part of your family once or twice a year. Maybe it's because your parents expect you to show up no matter what. Whether it's a family member who has a different belief or value system or a well meaning grandparent who inevitably stirs up conflict, you can put personal boundaries in place to protect yourself and your peace. Type of boundaries can include physical boundaries, such as not allowing unwanted physical touch, emotional boundaries, like choosing to not discuss certain sensitive topics, or even time boundaries, where you set limits on how long you spend at a family gathering.

3) Plan Accordingly: Look at your calendar and see how many holiday events you are invited to and perhaps even expected to attend. Pick one or two events, or however many feel manageable for you. While we can't control what we are invited to or what is expected of us, we can control what and how we can say. When considering which events to say yes to and which events to say no to, consider how you can honor yourself as well as your relationship with your loved ones. Feel the freedom to say no to an event that feels like too much of a stretch for you so that you can intentionally say yes to another event. Whichever events you do decide to attend, let that yes allow you to be fully present and give you confidence in your decision making.

4) Accept the difficult family member fully: This is a hard one, but a super important one. It's okay if we find ourselves not enjoying the company of a certain family member or even if we find ourselves disliking them. It's not in human nature to click with every single person we meet. If we are interacting with someone who does not feel emotionally safe, consider in your mind taking a moment to view this individual through the lens of compassion and kindness. Maybe this looks like saying to yourself "I accept that you are angry and maybe even insecure. I accept the conflict you are bringing to us in this moment and I see you struggling." Acceptance does not mean that you then have to fix the problem. Acceptance means acknowledging the difficult situation you are in and accepting that this is your reality in this moment.

5) Practice self-compassion: Self compassion means extending kindness and understanding to ourselves in moments when we feel inadequate or insecure. Rather than ignoring our own needs, we turn towards ourselves with warmth and support. Practicing self-compassion is so important for our overall emotional wellbeing and something we can all certainly practice during the holiday season. Whether you're worried you said the wrong thing to grandma or forgot a gift for a certain family member, remember to give yourself grace. This is your first time living life too.

6) Remove Yourself When You Can: If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation with a family member who is not being respectful or kind, remember you are not obligated to stay in that moment. Step away and use any anxiety and stress management tools that have helped you in the past, such as a grounding exercise or a breathing exercise.

7) Lean on your support system: Let your support system know how they can be there for you and let them! Try messaging a few friends prior to your family event and let them know you might need -- maybe that's a movie night or just the opportunity to chat and connect over dinner. Consider who else is in your support system- such as a therapist, a colleague, a partner, etc.

8) Take care of your own needs: Plan to take time for self care before and/or after spending time with family. This can be a great way to "reset" after a stressful evening. What fills up your cup? Take time to read a book, go for a walk, stretch or spend time with pets. Brainstorm if there are ways to take mini breaks during events if you need to-- walks or bathroom breaks can be a great mini reset.

We hope this helps provide a few tips for dealing with holiday stress especially when it comes to familial relationships. .

If you find yourself needing extra support or believe that discussing your thoughts with someone else could be helpful, the therapists at Steady Hope are available to assist you! To set up a free 15 minute phone consultation- fill out our contact form and our intake coordinator will help match you with a good fit. We are prepared to help you survive the holiday season with your family this year!